Stitches' Arcanum
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| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 | | 10:24 pm |
Alright... I told my boyfriend-it makes me feel a lot better... and now I know that every time I sleep at J's, he'll hold me by his side at night and not let go (less I kick him off the bed like that one time... oops) I know that I'm safe when I'm in his arms... and I like that feeling. Today... today I was able to look at him in the eyes... I was able to kiss him again... hold his hand. The guilt wasn't there... I just felt safe again. Everything in my world is right when I am with him... just everything.... EXCEPT He hurt his back at work yesterday, and worse today-he went to the doctor for his hand too.... 1st note: his hand is seperating from his wrist, which means he is going to need a special brace; 2nd note: His back is so gone that they're only going to give him MAJOR pain meds. Now another bad thing: my neephew (Jessica's son, Mikey) is in the hospital. He's VERY sick. And by very, I mean extremely. I was crying for hours today... so fucking worried. But I just got news (at 10pm) that he's OK. thank god Another news topic I just found out... the guy that did that to me... was put into Jail for the past few days. which makes me feel a lot better. Mom (Sandy, Jessica's mom) said she's going to put him in there longer... I feel safe around that family. Alright... I think... I'm done for now, except for this.... It's REALLY sad (not that I don't appreciate it) that it takes news like I've posted in the past two days for people you THOUGHT were your friends to talk to you. I mean, I love everyone who shows me they care... just I wish that you would've talked to me before this shit happened too... although just you even saying Im sorry makes the world to me right now. Thanks... and I'm sorry if I worded this wrong... but thanks guys. I really appreciate the fact that you care. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: AC/DC: Thunderstruck(1 Rebirths | The End is the Begining) | | Sunday, September 19th, 2004 | | 9:58 pm |
So I'm going to do this now… rant and rave about people no one knows because, hell I see this as the best place to do it, cause well you all don't know them and probably never will… cause, well, lets just say you'd all never get along… they're them and you're you…. anyway. Amee is worrying me. I mean Ray is a nice guy and everything and he's cute and he has his own place and all that good stuff, but can you trust him? Not in my thoughts. He cheated on Amee with Amy and… well Amy is nasty and toothless and … ew. I mean that shouldn't be everything about her, but she has the worst personality and she's a horrible friend. Once she finds out you like someone, she goes after them, whether she really likes them or not. To me that's not what a friend does, drunk or not. Amee is truly in love with Ray, and his dumb ass doesn't see it. I mean maybe he does and maybe he feels the same, but I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. That's pretty far, but I mean still… it's scary to think he's told her he loves her and that he wants her to move in with him. Ten year difference there in age… not that it matters to me, just… well… he still acts our age, and he's not! For christs sake he has a 7 year old and he's a daily drinker. I don't know if he's the right person for her, but then again, it's her life right? And Ashleigh, gotta love her, but she's so wishey washy, I mean… you can't get a straight answer out of her and when you do it's all… sarcastic and stuff…. Seriously, I don't know how it goes, she's me in another body. Except she has a nasty (but sweet as fucking hell) boyfriend… who she fights with constantly. I wonder if she just WANTS to fight, if that's what she needs in her life… I don't know… I just am here to write down my thoughts and questions about my friends. Roland… man I really need a way to help him. He needs a job and a place to live. Right now he's living at his girlf friends (ashleigh) and living off of her. Not good, if they break up, where is he supposed to go? Not here, that's just not allowed, sadly, I mean I would put anything down for him too… should I sell him my car so just in case he'd have a place to live? I mean… it's bad to live out of a car, but he doesn't know how to get a job, he has a felony record. God I wish I could help him. Anyway, that was half of my rant… and questions and … worry… I'll get to more later. (The End is the Begining) | | 8:13 pm |
(The End is the Begining) | | Saturday, September 11th, 2004 | | 4:22 pm |
....just breathe
So... I'm home for a few minutes... I have to call Jax in 20min... we're going to hang out. Makes me wonder why she's not with Lucky... ehh who cares, MY TURN MUTHAFUCKA. Ok perky, had about 3 hours of sleep... VERY drunk last night... whatever, it's worth it each time... So I'm watching College Footbal- SIU VS NIU and all I have to say is "GO LIONEL!!!!!"That's my Cadillac heh... #94, he's so awesome. Back in 00-01 he was homecoming king at my school, ranked in the top 5 for illinois, and top 100 in the country. He's awesome. And HIS SON!!! OMG Nate is the cutest thing every!! I love my Nate Dawg!! Awwwwe... they zoomed on Nate in a big orange fro and eating a hot dog. I was all "IT'S MUH BABY NATE!!" It's great. heh. Anyway, I'm done with that... heh, hope SIU wins, Lionel needs more hype, he'll be on a prof. team one day, and not the bears, a good team haha. Once again, I digress.... Saw James last night... :) he makes me feel good... I mean he was shoved in my little saturn in the back seat with hot chicks... and... he still wanted me. I felt so liked ha... but seriously, I've learned never to trust my boyfriends and... I think I can trust him... which means, possibly, buhbye Casey. It's about time... I needed to make a choice... and finally I did. *sigh* Anywho... I'm going to go, I still have shit to do before picking up Jax. Current Mood: bouncyCurrent Music: Sublime - Santaria (The End is the Begining) | | Wednesday, September 8th, 2004 | | 8:46 pm |
Well long time no write....
Updates Quit Best Buy- it sucked donkey nuts, I lost my best friend, and as soon as I quit, gained her back... coincidence, I think not Made new friends- Amee, Ashleigh, Roland, Johnny, Anton-a-ho, Courtney, Ray, James, Casey- all great people, I feel all warm and fuzzy with friends like them Got two boyfriends- James and Casey- I'm a hustla baby... haha Isolated myself from my family- I think I spent three weeks total in my house... maybe, over the summer Got a new car- Hey, bout time, and it's a stickshift Realized School sucks- hah I knew that- but hell now I'm graduating in 4 months... yay for me Offered to move in with friends for free- all I have to do is cook... sweet deal In the end, I realized I REALLY grew up over the summer.... forgiving is forgetting- but I can't forget everything that happened last year. So to forgive will be to forget things that need to be remembered. Sorry guys. Anyway... I'm home for a lil bit. Today I stayed home... yeah stomach sucks but update on that- NO CANCER yay... only a stupid disease that sucks balls. Anywho, nice to talk... be back later. Current Mood:  thirstyCurrent Music: Misfits - Die Die My Darling (1 Rebirths | The End is the Begining) | | Sunday, August 8th, 2004 | | 11:25 pm |
One Update for old times
So I was thinking.... maybe I should just do home schooling for the rest of my highschool career... not like there's anything special I'll need to do or take. I don't know anymore... All I know is it seems like everything I once knew at that highschool is gone... especially friends. It seems the only one I still talk to is Jax or Diana... even they are rarely spoken to, and it's not on purpose... it's just, I don't have ANY friends anymore (really) that are my age. All of them are older. I don't know anymore... all I know is most people I considered friends, aren't... it's just a blow... Speaking of which, I'm trying to talk my present guyfriend into quitting such things. He's smart, beautiful, intelligent... but wastes his g'damn hard earned money on that shit. I don't get it anymore... or maybe I get it too well- why drugs are so damn alluring.... it makes me sad watching people go downhill like that. *Sigh*Now work... I want to fucking shoot everyone. It's frustrating-even moreso than school was this year. I swear to god, it's worse than g'damn Jr. High. So many people lie/use/talk about eachother/LIE behind everyone's backs. I regret getting that damn job, I swear I want to quit so bad. However, I need the next two checks so... *Sigh* I'll keep dressing in the blue-however, I might be fired after this week, so I'm hoping for it. Speaking of being fired, they might do so cause I keep "slacking" due to being in pain- all from the possibility of me having intestinal cancer and/or kidney disease. Whatever, then my happy ass'll sue them and then I won't have to work till after college haha!! Ok, i'm thinking way too in depth into this. However the whole lying (blahblah) shit at my work has gotten ridiculus. I swear people need help and need to stay out of my shit. I was hanging out with this cool guy named Brian there, and yeah I liked him (till he turned into an ass) and I told him so. Then suddenly people were coming up to me saying we were dating... my reaction was "ok so I'm supposidly dating him....oook" and now he calls ME up bitching at ME about it saying I said it. No offense to him, but I wouldn't brag about dating a co-worker, I even was going to tell him I didn't want to... but his ass just fucking starts shit and then can't fess up to it. I SAID NOTHING ABOUT US GOING OUT except to make fun of the fact people thought we were. *Sigh*WE -WERE- FRIENDS, THAT'S IT, NO DATING, SARCASM WAS BEHIND EVERYTHING PEOPLE, IT'S CALLED G'DAMN SHOCK. That's a little better. *Deep Breath*Anywho... lately I've been fucking partying like mad. Don't think there was one day in the past 2 damn weeks that I've been completely sober, even days I worked. Which is bad so I'm going to be the designated driver for a while, rather than a damn partier. I think that might be better for me and my kidneys, cause god knows the drinking isn't helping my damn issue with my intestines and shit. *Sigh* As for partying. I honestly am going to try to cut down on that shit, cause I swear if my life doesn't clear up, I'm going to fuck up another year in school and that's the last thing I need. *Sigh* I honestly don't need this fucking stress from work for school, so.... that might be an issue I should deal with now and look for another job... cause Best Buy is DEFINATELY not going to work out. My boss threatens to fire us everytime we come up sick. My poor co-worker Ruben has two jobs, working 43 hrs at Best Buy and another 30 at his other job, a week, and he called in sick ONCE and my boss threatened him... I say fuck that, it's wrong and now with my issue and having to go to the doctor a lot, I am DEFINATELY not going to be able to handle this shit. ...Crystal is going to kill me.... ...it might be better for OUR relationship though... ...but to quit puts down the fact she recommended me.... ...I don't know what to do about this anymore... ...I hope she won't kill me... Anyway, I'm in a lotta sick pain, so I guess I'll be going... so much so my legs are numb... blah I think I'm going to quit living and just lay in my car and smoke for the rest of my life-fuck eating,sleeping,going to school, hanging with friends, etc... I just need a cigarette, music, and Casey... *Sigh*~To live life to the fullest, is to die quickly and painlessly~
~/~/~/~Stitches~/~/~/~ Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: White Zombie (1 Rebirths | The End is the Begining) | | Tuesday, July 20th, 2004 | | 11:02 am |
Requiem of Screams
I learned long ago, that friendship is a toss-away word... that things said are usually just that, said and not meant... I have lived from that and learned... and now I know that what I'm meant to do is not grow old waiting for those who say they are going to call, but to go on living with or without them... Anyway, I guess a quick update... I got the job at best buy, been there for over a week... now I'm sick with this bad infection (which can kiss my ass) I had to take off work today, and I'm NOT happy about that... I'm out of cigarettes I've lasted WITHOUT a cigarette for over 4 days... that's good I WANT a cigarette I feel like shit I want to shoot people haha I hate being sick I wrote a story for myself, here's a part of it, but no one has to read it.... ( Enter the screams of mortality... )I want a cigarette.... Current Mood:  sickCurrent Music: Rammstein - Du Hast (techno remix) (2 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Tuesday, July 13th, 2004 | | 8:25 pm |
Wishing things would end... only makes the pain last longer
I found out today that to my father, I am just a waste of money... I am a waste of space... I am a waste of his time... He wishes I had never been born... My tears are just something for him to laugh at when the night is over... I am the cause of his addiction to smoking... My life is worth nothing to him... But yet, I can't move out. I have deducted this to mean one thing, he wants to be able to claim me on taxes... or in some perverse way, he enjoys torturing me. Either way, he can go to hell... ~Death is just a step, leap and a jump away~
~/~/~/~Stitches~/~/~/~ Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: coal chamber-bradley (4 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Wednesday, July 7th, 2004 | | 11:07 pm |
So I did the unimaginable... I told my mom that I'm not a virgin.... 100000000000000000lbs has been lifted off my shoulders.... and she didn't yell (The End is the Begining) | | Thursday, July 1st, 2004 | | 3:49 pm |
Today sucked... in a good and bad way... I got back together with Chris yesterday.... 'yay'? I don't know... I just couldn't say no to someone crying/whining.... But now my mom is trying to set me up with her friend's son... Mericio... Don't think it'll work but.. .whatever... then... I realized I have a huge crush on a kid from my work (yes I work there, just have to take a drug test) ...Lee is gorgeous... sweet... kind... talkitive...hot.. lol Yeah I like Lee... (2 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004 | | 10:16 pm |
Often coming home after babysitting a 3month old, you realize-damn I need a shower...
~A river, of crimson, a shower in fire...~So, I've been realizing something... I attract guys that have girlfriends... which quite honestly... sucks. I don't mean to talk about this type of shit- honestly it's not me... it makes me sick. Now I'm trying to ignore them, along with my own boyfriend-who ... well I'm ignoring haha. Sorry Chris, you just pissed me off royally.... anywho, that's enough of that... ~Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner...~Well, I called a friend of mine-Laura... and no one answered... I was bummed, cause I was so up on seeing her, but hell she has a life and I'm happy for it :) As for the otther people I call, sorry if I don't call back like I say I would (I try to but usually I get VERY busy after I make that promise... it's fate fucking me over sideways). Not only that, but to the people who do that to me, man I completely understand. Haha, obviously. I've been giving Kristin and Joe space from me... which is good I think, cause hell they don't need me by them all the time, I know I can get annoying- it's a fact. It's been great hanging around with the other people who I basically ignored for Alicia... makes me regret it cause I realized how much I missed out while I was 'gone'. Oh well, the past is past and starting over is sweet. Oh and Robert, I LOVE that kid, I forgot how much fun he was... it's crazy. I'm enjoying the time in class/before school & after with him. It's a sweet deal that I get to remake OLD friends. I like it a lot... and some of the boys are cute (too bad half are gay... oh well gaydar is a bitch). ~Summer Breeze, makes me feel fine...~School... sucks... honestly, and that teacher-needs to get his sexist-anti-addison-trail-student head out of his ass, cause I'm sorry we read this shit before, but there is no need to be a dickhead about it and purposely try to fuck us over because you don't like us... screw you captin jerkoff... yeah that's a rant... ~Can you feel the pulse? Can you feel the heat rising from below...~Soooo, I think I need anger management classes, I've been blurting out random insults to people.... hey oh well- they'll never see me ever again.. but it DOES clear my head of frustration, along with a nice cigarette. Oh well right? Smokers cough is already there, why not just add on to it right? Oh well.... ~All I can say is life is pretty plain...~So family life... sucks major ass... parents up said ass... and well people I don't even know are further up there as well... oh well... yeah... oh well just can't wait for my parents to go off and take a vacation and leave me the fuck alone... and I fucking SWEAR to god if my brother comes within 50ft of my house within that time, I will have a shit attack.... ~RANTS COMPLETE~ ~Die with a smile on your face, for you don't know what you'll awake to in the afterlife~
~/~/~/~Stitches~/~/~/~ Current Mood: annoyedCurrent Music: Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels (2 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Monday, June 21st, 2004 | | 3:02 pm |
(The End is the Begining) | | Sunday, June 20th, 2004 | | 10:55 pm |
This weekend was amazing.... On friday I did a buncha shit-I don't remember what exactly, but I did.... Saturday I hung at the poolhall most of the day, played with Tubby, Nick, and Mike... fun stuff really... Then went over to Kristins and had a blast, heh... oh Tubby bought me a Morgan as a present... cause I was whining... and I blew up when sleeping over at Kristin's ... it was a blast. Sunday I hung with Miqueas... man that was awesome, for a while we had Eugene... he's a cool cat, just either blown or shy. Hah. We went and played pool then came back, had a pizza, and watched Requiem for a Dream... drove E home and we went back, watching Not Another Teen Movie-that's a stupid ass movie but it cracks me up. Then had dinner with my folks. After all this we went to his house and played playstation and hooked up with MJ.. she's awesome as hell. After leaving Mikky's house, I went to the poolhall. Hung with Meg and showed her Morgan. After this all goes down, I went and hung around with Tubbs. He's a cool cat. Oh and I saw Leo-he's getting pretty... thick headed and stuffy- oh well, one more person not to like me-not that I care. Next weekend I'll probably be by Meg's, she's having a party-it'll be a blast haha. I think I like Tubby physically (which is... really fuckin odd... but then again I might like him personally too... damnit he has a girlfriend... I seriously need to not become friends with my guy buddies... I always loose out... oh well right?) So this week is my week driving for school, it'll be great if I can get my fuckin radio/cd crap to work. Man... This week is goina blow *wishes for it to be the weekend* Peace out ~/~/~Stitches~/~/~ Current Mood:  drunkCurrent Music: Orgy - Blue Monday(The End is the Begining) | | Wednesday, June 16th, 2004 | | 1:37 pm |
This thing liked Nicole and Sam... a LOT... but I do say, the first one cracks me up... (4 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Sunday, June 13th, 2004 | | 1:56 pm |
| How to make a razorsalvation |
Ingredients:
3 parts anger
5 parts brilliance
3 parts energy |
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy! |
(The End is the Begining) | | Thursday, June 10th, 2004 | | 10:11 am |
Loan Ranger-Living End .... just a funny song...
I wanna be the Lone Ranger Protect the innocent from danger And I just wanna be that man Kemosabe silver bullet man I wanna be the lone ranger Fill my life with sex and danger I wanna be, yeah I wanna Be the mystery, man of honor He's just one man, does what he can Friends with an Indian Alternative of the wild west Spotted horse, clean clothes and sparkly vest So Hi Ho silver in away Cos here I come to save the day I wanna be the Lone Ranger Fill my life with sex and danger I wanna be, yeah I wanna Be the mystery, man of honour And so we ride side by side We never collide I just wanna be that man Riding by the Rio Grande I wanna be the Lone Ranger Fill my life with sex and danger I wanna be, yeah I wanna Be the mystery, man of honor He's just one man, does what he can Friends with an Indian (2 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | 9:51 am |
From Nicole, Matt, and Laura...
Another respond-by-comment thing-y (Since I love music and particularly poigant lyrics): Comment with a song that reminds you of me and tell me why. Add to your journal and I will do the same. :) (Lyrics optional) (The End is the Begining) | | 12:01 am |
(4 Rebirthss | The End is the Begining) | | Wednesday, June 9th, 2004 | | 8:18 pm |
A new game...
"You don't deserve anything you get..." "You -aren't- as good as your brother and don't expect to be treated like him..." "We treat our kids equally." Which of these three doesn't belong? Because all of the above was stated by my parents today... -something- isn't right in this group... Can you tell me which one? (The End is the Begining) | | Tuesday, June 8th, 2004 | | 9:08 pm |
So Jesus finally called me... but not to talk about my THINGS he has... but to ask me for porn... why I asked... he got cut off by his family-confusing... but DAMNIT I want my Donnie Darko movie back... oh well. I came to the conclusion that I need a job.. and a damn good one at that... My car went through THREE gallons of gass today and I drove to my side job, home and Kristins... how much bullshit is that? Piece of crap car.... (The End is the Begining) |
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